This time last semester, I was in tears sitting next to my bed praying for the strength to endure.
It wasn’t enduring exams, meetings, or schoolwork that I needed help with - it was enduring a week of no exams, no meetings, no schoolwork, and having to wait to go home to my family. YEP, I had literallyyy nothinggg to do, but I had to wait to head home. And it made me sit down on my floor, call my mom, and cry.
Anxiety is messy. It isn’t something that’s easy or definable in any specific way. It’s chaotic, with waves of intensity that come, go, stay, and release. It’s irrational sometimes and rational others, and it’s different for any person that has it. It can be really small and seasonal or really chronic and painful. In general: it sucks.
To anyone out there relating to my messy alone-ness, I just want you to know that even in that lil suffocating pit of chaos, you are not, in fact, alone. You are not forgotten. You are not set in this way for the rest of your life. Even this week, this horrible, paper and ink filled week of “ugh,” will not last forever. And the worst of the worst? Death? It’s been defeated.
When we fear, we block Christ from entering into our mess. We hold our hands up to push things back, and to protect ourselves from anything - good AND bad - coming near us in our depths. We hide, when instead, we should look up, reach up, and hold up hearts to let grace enter in.
Things are beautiful. The days are warm and summer is near, and for the rest of our lives, the waves will come anyways whether we want em or not. But to anyone who’s listening? Who’s struggling? Who’s crying? You got dis.
It’s all gonna be all right.
Hi, I'm Chlo.
I've been writing stories inspired by my real and imaginative experiences since I learned at age 7 that if you fold and staple construction paper together, it sort of looks like a real book. I have always craved soul serving stories- ones that melt like butter in your mind as you hear your heart explained out loud.
This here is my home away from home. When I'm not exploring neighborhood coffeehouses, driving down the Pacific Coast (again), or loving on all my people - I'm probably here, with you. Come on in! Scroll around. I hope you feel less alone.