I can’t believe typing this is real life… I’M MOVING TO SAN FRANCISCO!!!!
To anyone who knows me in even the slightest, you’ll know that living in California has been a dream of mine for quite possibly my entire life. With family rooted all over the state, I’ve visited this city every single summer, and finding a way to not only choose a path here after college, but also find the right option for me, seemed impossible.
I’ve been told to my face that my business is soft.
Been laughed at for trying to understand code.
Been challenged by recruiters for claiming I’m ‘creative’.
Stigmatized for my Hispanic heritage, avoided for being in a sorority, and disregarded like a “sweetie” for not knowing what to charge.
And each time it stings. Each time I feel tears wallow up in my throat because God made me sensitive to mean things being said. Even asking a teacher for back-up when my family was made fun of only earned me a chuckle saying “get used to it, you’re a girl.”
Ah, the age old question I face from myself and inner demons as well as from the occasional friend, family member, or active bystander in my midst in our mutual understanding of how quickly my undergraduate career is coming to its close: "What's next?"
I could not have less of a clue. But here’s what’s up:
It's okay to just sit a bit in this space you’re currently in. It’s hard to feel - really feel - your own unknown. Feeling the feeling waiting to be felt. Not googling one more thing, not asking one more person for advice, not going after that cope cope cope for whatever answer makes sense.
When we cope we ignore that which MUST command our attention.
And it will continue to insist on attention through however desperately we get to until we face our space head on.
photo by @sarahlspringerphoto
Do you not know what to do, too?
When someone asks me what I want to do I get really scared. I feel like lately, I’ve been living in a very ambiguous space between caring too much about my path and too little. Trusting my God by doing everything one day and nothing the next. I don’t know what’s right - I don’t know how much I should analyze my past to prepare for my future. What if I want to be radical?
Hi, I'm Chlo.
I've been writing and reading and all the storytelling things since I learned as a kid that if you fold and staple construction paper together, it sort of looks like a real book. I have always craved soul serving stories- ones that melt like butter in your mind as you hear your heart explained out loud.
This here is my home away from home. When I'm not exploring neighborhood coffeehouses, driving down the Pacific Coast (again), or loving on all my people - I'm probably here, with you. Come on in! Scroll around. I hope you feel less alone.